The day before Multiple Sclerosis changed my LIFE!

It all started on the morning of 8^th of July, 2013, when I woke up with a peculiar spot in my left eye. I told my mother about the spot and since I wear lenses, we thought it must be some kind of an allergy. I fixed an appointment with my eye doctor for that evening and went for work as usual. No matter how much I tried not to focus on my left eye, but still my mind kept focusing on that black spot. Not paying too much heed to the same, I took the eye problem lightly.  Somehow I couldn’t go to the doctor that day. I remember my mother made the most amazing dosa and sambar from my grandma’s recipe. But I couldn’t enjoy the meal as I was rushing to the loo again and again and then suddenly my head started to hurt, as if it was about burst any moment.

It felt weird. Weird beyond what words can try to describe, as me, a perfectly healthy working girl, suddenly felt these strange signals that made me very uncomfortable.

I went to lie down in my bedroom and called up my fiance (now my husband, as we got engaged in March 2013) and tried explaining to him how I felt, and, he told me not to worry as tomorrow you will feel just fine. I tried to sleep but couldn’t as my head was hurting. I didn’t want to take any painkiller as it is something I try to avoid as much as possible. I instead applied some tiger balm. Since I never had the habit to sleep in an Air conditioned room, I loved it with the fan even though it was July, and my mother blamed the headache on that. After a lot of tossing & turning that night, I woke up in the morning with a bigger spot in my left eye.  Where ever I moved my eye ball the spot would move with it. I stood in front of the mirror for ages trying to locate the spot but I couldn’t see it. Without knowing how my day would unfold, I did my morning prayers as usual and left for work. I worked in a boutique at the time and drove to work that day. It was very difficult to focus on the road, and there were cars, bikes and bicycles coming from every side. I wonder how I survived the roads that day. This is when I pressed the PANIC button and got really jittery. I called up my father again and again, saying that I really need to see the doctor.

I left work early that day, not knowing that I would never be coming back to work again. I was so nervous I drove back home and from there went to the doctor with the driver.  The doctor started with his routine check up. I am not able to find any problem from the outside I need to check your retina, said the doctor. I could sense something. I started to shake. I was alone, and kept calling my fiancé. The whole process at that time felt so uneasy, sitting in a clinic all by myself and had to keep my eyes closed, where as I wanted to open my eyes and dial my friends number to chat, I wanted to chant, I DONT KNOW, I was confused. So my turn again to see the doctor  “ I can’t see any problem in your eyes internally too, are you here alone?” I got shaken up by that question. I always come alone I said.  Well, you need to get an MRI done. An MRI??? Why? I was always scared of getting an MRI done, and why would I get an MRI done? I had random thoughts of all possibilities going on in my mind. I thought I had some tumor in my brain and that’s why I can’t see.  The doctor kept on and on, but I didn’t hear a thing. I was blank. I was just concentrating on the part that I must not cry in front of the doctor.  So I asked the doctor why I would need an MRI. So he explained to me in lay man terms, that your optic nerve was not getting the signal from your brain it seems. He picked up a dummy eye ball that’s always there on his table to explain the whole matter to me.  And, then after the MRI we will see that if it’s just the optic nerve issue or something else? Then you have to be admitted under my supervision and get steroids for some days, if not we have to consult a neurologist.  What something else I said? The doctor just then said, please get your MRI done tomorrow and show the report to me”. Let’s HOPE for the best.