The day before Multiple Sclerosis changed my LIFE -2

I left the doctors clinic, and felt both shaken up and shocked. Steroids, hospitalized, neurologist, what is this happening?

 I wanted to run out of there and go see my fiance. I didn’t want to go home and tell my parents. I didn’t have the courage to tell them. How do I explain to them why  I needed an MRI. Outside the clinic everything seemed different, especially for me as if the world was coming to an end. I thought to myself is this how it feels like when you know you are going to die? Because at that time the only reason I could imagine for the MRI was some TUMOR or CANCER.  I was sobbing on the way with dilated eyes. Can you imagine that!! The moment I entered home my younger brother asked “what happened rajo?? Why are you crying and trembling??”  Mom came out of the kitchen “kya hua” what did the doc say? I chocked and said “mom, I need an MRI” and the tears fueled by fear and sorrow came out endlessly. My father came downstairs; all scared not knowing why I was crying. I told him I need an MRI. My mother was trying to calm me (and her) down, which doctor did you go to? What did he say?

Show me the prescription said my younger brother, worried and concerned.  He started to ‘google’ optic neuritis. I felt I was going to collapse, my feet and hands were getting cold. My mother called up our family homeopathy doctor and says lets go to him and understand what the situation is like.

After meeting the doctor and talking to a friend of mine in Dubai, my fiancé and my in laws came back home, I was so exhausted. Anxiety level was still the same but now it was in my mind. What is happening? Why? Why now?  What is it? Million of questions!

I couldn’t eat my dinner! I could see how my parents were trying to be calm and not showing signs of panic in front of me, how they felt scared for me, their youngest, most pampered, sensitive and over protected daughter.  The whole house was quiet. I went downstairs after a lot of pressure from my brother who insisted that I do not sleep alone.

I came to my room, prayed and chanted for some time, alternating between crying and then praying then crying and this went on for a while till I was exhausted and wished my fiancé good night and slept. Hoped for the best tomorrow after the MRI.

THE MORNING finally arrived when the MRI was to be done. Couldn’t eat much that morning, the anxiety and uneasiness were too much.  Everyone was there with me, my in-laws, my parents, brother and Abhinav. My elder sister couldn’t come for a reason but she was praying for me, I know.  Sitting in the waiting room I would feel so much anxiety, I felt I couldn’t breathe. The MRI machine would make such loud and weird noises which made it even worse. I was cold. I kept saying them if my fiancé could come inside. Finally my turn came, I entered the MRI room and I couldn’t see anything, I didn’t want to see what the room was like and I just saw the machine and was going to break down. I lied down and the attendant explained to me not to worry, it is just noise, nothing will happen to you, your fiancé is here, don’t move and the usual pleasantries which did not seem to work at the time.

Ok so I lied down, closed my eyes and started chanting. They started the procedure, I was going inside which scared me so much that I said I can’t do this and to take me out. No no no, I was crying like a baby.  Then they all calmed me down. Because without the MRI nothing can be done, I had to be brave.

Now that I think of it, I know BRAVE, and to go inside an MRI machine for a scan seems like child’s play now. How life and how it progresses, can make you feel comfortable with things that once one was so scared of. 

Finally, the MRI was done. It was the scariest experience of my life; it felt as if it won’t end and it went on and on for so long. I came out all shaken. I sat next to my mom and she was calming me down. Everyone was looking at me and trying to calm me down, it was not just my family who were supporting me, but also my to be in laws who must have contacted many doctors  in Ludhiana to make sure that whatever happened next should be in our best interest. All I was thinking at that time was “HOPE it will all be over soon”