Make the Sunshine

"Hope, in this sense, is a decision. It is the most important decision we can make. Hope changes everything, starting with our lives. Hope is the force that enables us to take action, To make our dreams come true" Dr. Daisaku Ikeda Since the day I was diagnosed with MS, I made a decision to be hopeful. 'I hope' each day and everyday. When I conceived I hoped that I deliver a healthy baby. I hoped to remain healthy myself. I also hoped to be able to give my baby breast milk as much as I could. What ensued was, that, initially when my baby was born i.e. the first four weeks, I thought and felt that (only) breast feeding was the most stupid decision I had made. I could not sleep, it was painful. As time passed I got comfortable with the whole experience of Motherhood.   And I ended up giving my baby breast milk for 2 years. It was and will be the most beautiful yet enduring, amazing yet difficult, experience of my life so far. I fee...

When that finger rises up and points to the ceiling as soon as the beat hits, my heart skips a beat and I look and think in wonder how has he grown up so quickly. It seems like it was yesterday when I tried to feed him his first mother's milk, and he was refusing to latch to my boobs. It was one of the most painful things i experienced. Well yes!! I am a mom of a beautiful baby boy. Who would have thought that! After being diagnosed with MS in 2013, this day seemed really far fetched.  It had been a year or so since I had left Tecfidera. I was feeling good, doing good, no relapse or anything.  After a fun filled trip to Thailand  with my brother and niece, within a month of coming back Bam! just like that i got pregnant. I never thought it would be so easy for me...no.medications, no treatments, no waiting. It happened, I was kinda prepared and unprepared. I had the most amazing  and fulfilling 9 months of my life. 11 hrs of labor and a vaginal delivery....

Dawn of a new day has come, a new day filled with new prayers, with the anxiety of  a fresh thought and outlook that now i am a girl with MS, where everything seems so different in a different way. I woke up with anxiety. I hate injections, and the thought of getting IV was getting on my nerves. I still get jittery when I think of getting an injection. I find it very painful, like I said earlier, I am a sensitive girl. So I went to the hospital with my mom, brother and father.  There was no room available so had to wait, at that time I was numb looking over all the people around me, I realized all emotions can be witnessed at the hospital; sadness, happiness, anger , despair, excitement. When I look at myself I was confused. I thought of myself as a perfectly normal girl; walking and talking and eating, but was at a hospital getting steroids for a Multiple Sclerosis episode. The irony of this disease is that we look fine to everyone, no one would know unless told that we...

Just before the MRI result came, the owner of the diagnostic centre came to me and said that my brain was swollen. I was startled, and anyone I think would be startled at what was he trying to say. Imagine this! Oh your brain is swollen! He then went on to ask, had I ever had any injury on my head. Well... Yes!! It happened during my sister’s wedding. While shopping for her friends who came from England especially to experience the Big Fat Indian wedding, I had gone to New Delhi to buy everyone ‘GHAGRIS’ and ‘JHUMKIS’ and all those things typically Indian as I didn’t want to leave any stone unturned being the wedding planner. It was morning time and the stalls were being put up, so I was finding something for myself, when suddenly, BANG went an Iron rod on my head. The pain was intense however; it got better after a few hours of putting ice-pack on my head. I still managed to get everyone the clothes. YAY! And the wedding was beautiful. Double YAY! But literally ‘coming back’ to the ...