Hope

"Hope, in this sense, is a decision.

It is the most important decision we can make.

Hope changes everything, starting with our lives.

Hope is the force that enables us to take action,

To make our dreams come true"

Dr. Daisaku Ikeda

Since the day I was diagnosed with MS,

I made a decision to be hopeful.

'I hope' each day and everyday.

When I conceived

I hoped that I deliver a healthy baby.

I hoped to remain healthy myself.

I also hoped to be able to give my baby breast milk as much as I could.

What ensued was, that, initially when my baby was born i.e. the first four weeks, I thought and felt that (only) breast feeding was the most stupid decision I had made. I could not sleep, it was painful. As time passed I got comfortable with the whole experience of Motherhood.  And I ended up giving my baby breast milk for 2 years. It was and will be the most beautiful yet enduring, amazing yet difficult, experience of my life so far.

I feel so proud of myself for being able to go through this whole experience with a smile. Though I was hopeful, yet at the back of my mind I worried about my Multiple Sclerosis symptoms and relapses.

Though my health was not really affected, yes sometimes I couldn't take it. My Multiple Sclerosis left leg would get tired, but on the other hand, I felt good and healthy during those 2 years.

Like a super woman, or should I say Super MOM.

MS was not even on my mind, even if I slightly felt that it was creeping in, I would do my best to ignore it on the surface. But on the inside I was praying and hoping that it will not come up, trying to ‘make it a decision’ as Sensei (Dr. Daisaku Ikeda) has said.

Multiple Sclerosis is not what I will be, because my baby needs me, A Hopeful Mother is what I Am., and always will be!