My life with Multiple Sclerosis.

After coming back from the hospital I didn’t know how to go about anything. My wedding was within the next four months and my brother was going to Germany to start his first job and I still hadn't figured out how to tell my sister that I won’t be coming to see her in England and be with her during the last few months of her pregnancy. We had so many plans, I was planning to throw her a baby shower and she was planning a bachelorette party for me.  I had everything planned out like my shopping list, places I wanted to go and eat in London. But just as they say” man proposes god disposes”, everything has a reason. I was still wondering at that moment, what was the reason that I had MS. I had to visit the doctor after a month, when the course of the oral steroids finishes. Night and day, home and family, friends everything was same but the only thing that was not the same was that now am living with an incurable disease. My mother started to do her research for what kind of food or lifestyle should I lead. While my brother was trying to focus on his shopping for going to Germany, and side by side taking care of me.  Though he is younger to me by 4 years, but ever since he was born I was his companion and somehow he never looked up to me as an elder sister, I was his Rajo. With MS I got more attention, his role was now of an elder brother. But for me he will always be my ‘lil bro’.. Who I dearly love and worry about all the time.

 He made sure I did not eat too much junk food to curb my hunger pangs that were there due to steroids. I remember he used to listen to his favorite rock bands, practice his bass guitar and tell me to listen To them and kept adding songs to my phone so that when he goes I listen to "good songs". Some of the songs were alt- J, Breezeblock, Ben Howard’s diamonds and Madness by Muse. 

 Now whenever I listen to these songs it takes me back to the beautiful time that I spent with my younger brother and not the unhappy feeling.

My eye sight was getting better, as I prayed more and more each day.  My friends came to see me and tried to understand what had happened to me. Never in my life, until I got Multiple Sclerosis, did I even know that it existed. My father in law knew about it as one of his acquaintances already had it before and was suffering with its symptoms.  Then we also learnt more about people around us who had/has it. I kept on pondering that why was it that people didn’t open up about their disease or problem.  During those days I was looking for support and was trying to understand the disease from somebody who is going through the same.

 My family and friends knew what I had, but what I was going through, how could I explain that! I had no one to tell me that this is what to expect with MS.  Since I was going to get married my family didn’t want to talk about it to anyone, which again I didn’t get. While going out for an evening walk I would sit and analyze my left eye and right eye vision. I would often explain it to my family and friends that, it was like left eye was normal TV and the right eye was the OLED tv. And everyone would have a hearty laugh and I could see how everyone used to get happy to see that I was taking my disease in a positive light.  I didn’t lose hope.

 “Hope… sometimes that’s all you have when you have nothing else. If you have it, you have everything.” Unknown

 So it was time for my dear brother to embark on a journey called “responsibility”. With a very heavy heart I bid adieu to my partner, my lil brother who took such good care of me when I was at my worse. The day he left we had an appointment with a doctor in New Delhi. We wanted to take a second opinion. 

 I felt happy that I was getting married even though I had to undergo procedures and medications right before it, I was thankful that it was happening. I was looking forward to my new life, yes I was scared that what would behold in the future but I knew that with love prayer and support I can get through any pains and trying times.
  “The future has several names. For the weak, it is impossible; for the fainthearted, it is unknown; but for the valiant, it is ideal.” 

 ― Victor Hugo, Les Misérables