Make the Sunshine

So this year, this very day marks my 7th anniversary as a MS-er. Well, trust me, I never grew up thinking that one day I would write about myself, or as matter of fact write about anything. I am not particularly good at writing, a big no no!! I get all my posts checked by my husband. He helps me with the grammatical errors.(hehehee, I am not proud of it), but I am getting better. I write what I feel from the heart.I don't write because I think I am special.  So then, why do I write??   "Through writing, we can give expression to our thoughts. Those writings can become an enduring treasure, conveying our thoughts to others who read them" Daisaku Ikeda When I was diagnosed with MS I never knew what it was..or anything like this existed. But when I got it I also didn't know..i would be able to take it so bravely (am I  bragging, Yes) I thought I would be a coward, I thought I would freak out so badly after knowing I have an incurable disease. But I somehow, managed it qu

"Hope, in this sense, is a decision. It is the most important decision we can make. Hope changes everything, starting with our lives. Hope is the force that enables us to take action, To make our dreams come true" Dr. Daisaku Ikeda Since the day I was diagnosed with MS, I made a decision to be hopeful. 'I hope' each day and everyday. When I conceived I hoped that I deliver a healthy baby. I hoped to remain healthy myself. I also hoped to be able to give my baby breast milk as much as I could. What ensued was, that, initially when my baby was born i.e. the first four weeks, I thought and felt that (only) breast feeding was the most stupid decision I had made. I could not sleep, it was painful. As time passed I got comfortable with the whole experience of Motherhood.   And I ended up giving my baby breast milk for 2 years. It was and will be the most beautiful yet enduring, amazing yet difficult, experience of my life so far. I fee

I forget about it, when I wear my heels and  party, I forget about it, when I wake up once or twice to feed my baby I forget about it, when I go  up & down the stairs a million times I forget about it, when I sit in front of the butsudaan and pray I forget about it, when everyone treats me like I don't have  it I forget about it, when a I take a selfie and  smile at the camera. But, I can't forget  about it,when my leg is numb and I don't know how to make it better I can't  forget about it, when my body is in pain and I have no energy to lift up my finger I can't forget about it, when sitting and praying seems so difficult I can't forget about it, when tears flow down my cheeks knowing I can't undo it I can't forget about it, when I have to explain this indescribable feeling I can't forget about it, when I stand in front of the mirror, knowing I am fighting an invisible disease. But, I will never forget what

When that finger rises up and points to the ceiling as soon as the beat hits, my heart skips a beat and I look and think in wonder how has he grown up so quickly. It seems like it was yesterday when I tried to feed him his first mother's milk, and he was refusing to latch to my boobs. It was one of the most painful things i experienced. Well yes!! I am a mom of a beautiful baby boy. Who would have thought that! After being diagnosed with MS in 2013, this day seemed really far fetched.  It had been a year or so since I had left Tecfidera. I was feeling good, doing good, no relapse or anything.  After a fun filled trip to Thailand  with my brother and niece, within a month of coming back Bam! just like that i got pregnant. I never thought it would be so easy for me...no.medications, no treatments, no waiting. It happened, I was kinda prepared and unprepared. I had the most amazing  and fulfilling 9 months of my life. 11 hrs of labor and a vaginal delivery.  Yay!!i did it. Th

I have often seen my parents drink the Golden Milk (Turmeric infused milk) during winters. But I never used to pay much heed to it. The thought of drinking it would disgust me. When I was diagnosed with MS, after a few week of my mother’s research regarding what kind of diet I should be on, she kept on telling me how the turmeric is good for auto immune diseases as it has anti-inflammatory properties. She would insist on having the fresh one which is available in India during the winters. Here I am after three years of my mother nagging; Golden Water (since I am off milk) is what I swear by for a fatigued morning. It refreshes by body and helps relieve the body pain and the burning sensation that I get on my left leg (the affected leg). It has also helped me with cold cough and flu like symptoms. Preparation Method: Grate some fresh turmeric in a pan with water. Let it boil till the color of the water turns orange.  Add a teaspoon of Honey if you like. Try it and let me kno

After coming back from the hospital I didn’t know how to go about anything. My wedding was within the next four months and my brother was going to Germany to start his first job and I still hadn't figured out how to tell my sister that I won’t be coming to see her in England and be with her during the last few months of her pregnancy. We had so many plans, I was planning to throw her a baby shower and she was planning a bachelorette party for me.  I had everything planned out like my shopping list, places I wanted to go and eat in London. But just as they say” man proposes god disposes”, everything has a reason. I was still wondering at that moment, what was the reason that I had MS. I had to visit the doctor after a month, when the course of the oral steroids finishes. Night and day, home and family, friends everything was same but the only thing that was not the same was that now am living with an incurable disease. My mother started to do her research for what kind of f